Blitzcrank's Fleshling Dating Service
by StellaNutella
Summary: Champions searching for potential love sign up for Blitzcrank's Fleshling Dating Service and are set up with a blind date... Hilarity ensues with ridiculous pairings, conflicts, hidden identities, jealous exes and more!
1. Blitzcrank's Dating Service

Hello! I am submitting a few chapters I've been working on today :3, then I am going to submit on a schedule.. maybe two a week? We'll see...

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The setting sun crept over the branches of trees, illuminating eleven figures. They stood awkwardly in front of a restaurant door, looking curiously at each other. An oddly familiar female voice hissed "I thought this would be private!" her hood that concealed her face slipped slightly to reveal silvery hair. Most of the crowd looking around realized there was an odd number of people. A certain black haired vixen grinned wickedly "Will someone be alone... or is there a three way?" She wondered. Suddenly the door burst open to reveal a large, bronze silhouette.

"Welcome to Blitzcrank's Fleshling Dating Service," It boomed , "Please find the table with your respective number."


	2. Chapter 1) Ashe x (?)

Ashe stayed in the back of the crowd, entering the door last. After surveying the restaurant she couldn't help but feel disappointed. It looked like a shabby bar that someone had tried to play off as a fancy restaurant, the oriental vases on closer inspection were even painted cardboard! "Well the environment isn't everything" she thought to herself.

She checked her ticket slip, underneath "NO REFUNDS" it read "Your table is: Table 3" She hastily tugged her hood to conceal most of her face again. Letting anyone see she was queen of Avarosa would create a scandal, for she was engaged to Tryndamere. The marriage was purely political, and after getting to know each other better they had awkwardly come to an agreement that they just didn't "feel it". Still, she couldn't help but feel a little guilty and wondered if signing up for Blitzcrank's dating service was a mistake. Taking a deep breath she sat down at the table marked "Three".

* * *

As ridiculous as it seemed, her partner for the evening also was concealing his face. Large sunglasses paired with a turtleneck and hat left only his mouth and part of his nose showing. The look was incredibly silly. Yet, it was so frusterating! She couldn't ask who he was or else he would obviously want to know her identity.

Slyly, she asked in a voice slightly higher than her normal voice "So, what's with the sunglasses? Are you some kind of Movie Star?" He replied in a low voice, but strangely familiar to her. "You could say I am something like that... Let's just say that if anyone recognized me it would be a bit of a scandal.."

She gasped slightly "Really? Me too!" Here was someone who she shared a bit in common with.. Not only that but she could see he was a bit of a hunk, his muscles were slightly defined through the sweater.

Seeing some actual potential in him Ashe mustered up her best sexy voice and crooned "So, hottie, where are you from?"

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	3. Chapter 2) Garen x Darius?

A few hours earlier...

Lux sighed in exasperation. She had been trying to get Garen out of the house for a day with no success. Her boyfriend Ezreal wasn't making things easier. Finally out of desperation she had signed her overprotective brother up for some dating service she had seen posted on the summoner bulletin board. After preparing him over a week for it he was getting cold feet last second.

"But what if you're attacked by a Noxian...or a voidling when I'm gone?" Garen asked worriedly. Lux face palmed, "Garen Crownguard I'm a freaking general in the Demacian Army! I can take care of myself."

Garen wilted "Sorry, It's just your my little sis', I wanna protect you... Wait! What are you and Ezreal even going to do when I'm gone?"

Lux paused, she hadn't invented an alibi ahead of time. "Uhm... we're going to make..." panicked, she turned to Ezreal.

"Love?" He offered, quickly followed by a "mff" as she slammed her hand over his mouth.

"Yeah! Gloves.." she adlibbed quickly glaring pointedly at Ezreal. "I found this cool crochet pattern." "Uh..Ok then" Garen deadpanned as Lux began to shove him out the door "Just make sure to be careful with those sharp needles!" He called out as the door slammed behind him.

As he walked to the restaurant Garen marveled at his innocent little sister. Already dating! He figured he might have to give her "the talk" soon now that she had a boyfriend. "She's still too young" he decided "maybe when she's twenty."

* * *

After triggering a hidden metal detector a few times Garen finally stepped into the restaurant. Apparently it was considered bad etiquette to go to a blind date with weapons. They even made him part with Swordy, he shuddered. The only plus was watching Darius, who had apparently signed up for the dating thing too, have even more trouble with the metal detector.

Looking down at his ticket he noticed he was number 69... a little confusing, especially since there were only 6 tables. He was about to sit down when he noticed Darius was sitting in the other side of the booth.

"Get out Noxian scum" he growled, "This is my table."

"What are you talking about pig-head?" Darius rebutted "This is my number"

Sudden realization dawned on them both. "Hell no!" They yelled at the same time, both scooting back from each other. Garen began to panickly signal Blitzcrank over while Darius fake-gagged.

"Greetings fleshling!" Blitzcrank clanked "What is the problem?"

"You paired up me with Darius!" Garen shouted "My mortal enemy!"

"That is an asset" Blitzcrank replied monotonously "Humans love opposing-sides relationships" he said pulling out a Romeo and Juliet novel from a compartment in his stomach-area. "Besides, you share many key-traits. Both of you are high ranking soldiers and passionate about the My Little Poro franchise." Garen and Darius stared at each other at the last fact.

"Lux" "Draven" they explained quickly.

"I don't care..." Darius declared "I want my money back!"

"No refunds" Blitzcrank retorted. "Well then I'm leaving!" Darius yelled, slamming the table to the wall.

"Not so fast fleshling." Blitzcrank whirred, eyes glowing an eerie shade of red. "Leaving would mean an unsatisfied customer... but Blitzcrank's Fleshling Dating Service is always satisfactory. Do not forget who has your weapons." Garen gulped, his sword was specially smelted from the metal of an ancient king's sword, infused with magical properties. It was one of a kind. He sat down as if the chair was on fire, glaring silently at Darius.

It was going to be a long night.

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	4. Chapter 3) Ahri x Twisted Fate

When Ahri sauntered into the room she felt half the restaurant staring at her. Her tails curled in excitement as she scanned the other couple's tables. Some might wonder why the vixen was here, considering the fact she could easily pick up anyone as her partner. Those who knew the gossip-loving vixen well would recognize she was looking for a good story, and possibly a "snack" as well.

Ahri snorted when she saw the "mysterious" table three couple, not only were both their get-ups ridiculous, she could see their soul essences and knew exactly who they were. She quickly looked over the other tables as well: two shadow Isle residents... Garen and Darius?! That would make some great gossip. Two yordles, one of them was that hyper ninja, she couldn't remember the other's name, and finally another yordle was sitting alone.. it looked like her date hadn't arrived yet. "No wonder.." Ahri thought "Her makeup is... distasteful."

Finally Ahri checked her number... it was, pi? She frowned, someone obviously had some fun writing the table numbers. She slipped into her table and gave a large toothy smile. Her date was apparently Twisted Fate.

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So far the date had gone nicely, Twisted Fate was a charmer and definitely interested, although like most men she had caught him looking at her chest more than her face.

Getting to the first important part in her date routine she shrugged off her large fuzzy jacket showing off her tight, strapless shirt. She then looked up preparing a flirty catchphrase to say when he inevitably was caught staring. But, to her surprise, Twisted Fate, wasn't even looking at her, he was staring at Evelyn? Her eyes widened as she remembered they had dated. Normally Ahri would have loved drama, but this was her date! She already had plans for him.. She coughed loudly to get Twisted Fate's attention.

"What were you saying about Kalista?" She asked trying to get back to their previous conversation.

"Huh, oh what?" Twisted fate finally replied "Can you believe she has the nerve to come here after she broke up with me?!" He hissed.

Ahri sighed, there was no avoiding it. Playing dumb she asked "Who? Kalista?"

"No, Eve! And I even caught her looking at me!" He glared intensely at the other table "She doesn't even like the Warden! She told me."

Ahri face palmed "Well, this is a public restaurant..." she trailed off noticing he was staring at his ex again, she turned to see the couple snogging in the most disgusting way.

"Is she trying to make me jealous?!" Twisted fate growled "Well the jokes on her... I'M NOT JEALOUS."

Quickly Ahri began to take emergency measures. She picked up a wine glass the robot had served a while ago, wrinkling her nose at the cheap scent. She pretended to drink, and "accidentally" spilled a bit on her cleavage. "Oops," she giggled seductively "Can you help me clean it off?" It was fail proof! Already she heard the Demacian drop his glass and saw him stare blushing at her. Her view was obscured when Twisted Fate shoved a napkin at her face, not even taking his eyes off the Shadow Isles couple. The wine glass he was clutching in his hand cracked as he watched the warden sneak a finally broke his gaze, looking confusedly at the leaking glass in his hand. Ahri deflated, utterly defeated.

Scowling at Evelyn she shoved her wine glass at Fate. "Here you can have mine" she growled without the slightest bit of seduction "You look like you need it." Twisted fate gulped it down and quickly waved to Blitzcrank for more while Ahri tugged on her jacket again (to the disappointment of everyone watching her). She grabbed her "Kawaii Nekko" cased phone and began texting Sona.

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	5. Chapter 4) Evelyn x Thresh

When Evelyn stepped into the restaurant no one noticed. Her scantily clothed blue figured usually stuck out a lot but no one even batted an eye, she was using shadow walk. She figured that she could take a good look around the restaurant, check out her date, and leave if it wasn't up to standards.

The restaurant looked faux-french and smelled like cheap alcohol... not impressed. Evelyn decided at least to see who her date was. She checked her number... it was " **heart** "... She snorted at the little emoticon heart. Then she lightly stepped up to the table to see who she was with.

"Oh shit" she cursed under her breath. Not only was her table next to TF's table... her date was Thresh! She began to carefully step away, but it was too late, the chain warden spotted her.

"Hello Evelyn ," he cackled "What are doing sneaking around here?" Evelyn faked a smile, how she hated Thresh's ability to see souls. She didn't want rumors spreading of her sneaking out of a date, especially since it would seem like it was because Fate, her ex, was there. As if it pained her, she replied "I was just about to sit down, you are number... "heart" ... correct?" She hesitated, finally deactivating her shadow walk.

Thresh's eyes widened when he realized she was his date. She had always brutally ignored any of his attempts at flirting in the Shadow Isles... was this a second chance?

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Evelyn tugged at her ears desperately trying to seem the slightest bit interested in Thresh's tangent on torturing techniques, it was a losing battle.

As he droned "...you see the trick is to damage the face last... if they can't see or hear themselves dying it won't be as interesting..." Evelyn suddenly felt someone looking at her. She turned to see Twisted Fate sneaking a glance at her.

She grinned evilly as an idea dawned on her. With a voice dripping with honey she stuck herself back into the conversation "Ohhh.. but ripping their eyeballs out is soooo hot" she cooed slowly leaning across the table. Thresh spluttered, slightly put off by her sudden change in demeanor.

A deep kiss quickly changed that.

As they slowly delved into the deeper stages of make-outs Evelyn snuck a glance at Twisted Fate again. He was glaring furiously at her and Thresh, his rage was so obvious it was hilarious. She quickly moved into Thresh's lap, biting his neck. She was ready to give the best show possible to a certain jealous gambler. She couldn't help but giggle as she heard a wine glass break.

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 _Yay updates! :3 Thanks for the reviews guys! I've decided to reply to them here from now on:_

 _ **RazorC-**_

 _"Why you no give more hints? I can't figure out who it is! :c_

 _Suggestion: Syndra or Quinn"_

 _I want it to be a surprise ^^.. also I haven't actually decided yet 00; ... I have three champions in mind.. Hint: They're all from the Freljord_

 _ **Honorkill-**_

 _"HolyFuckingShit this is funny as fuck."_

 _Glad you're enjoying it! I have some even more hilarious things planned in the future :3 *evil laughter*_

okay.. to the few that follow this fanfic: Who should Ashe's mystery partner be? I can't actually tell you the possible candidates but tell me:

do you want a really funny choice?

a hawt romance choice ;)?

or a funny + romantic choice?


	6. Chapter 5) Kennen x Teemo(Feelings Jam!)

Kennen ran into the restaurant eagerly, tripping a waiter as he rushed in. He zipped around the tables a few times before he realized he hadn't checked his number. Grabbing the slip of paper from his ninja outfit he read "YOU ARE NUMBER: 1/2". He frowned, was that a short joke? Nevertheless, he zipped into his seat. Seeing the other table occupant he shouted "Hey Teemo!" Teemo, who had been playing with a napkin jumped up in the air. "H-hi Kennen. You startled me!"

They looked at each other awkwardly for a second.

"Well.. this is kinda awkward" Teemo began "I'm not.."

"Oh, I'm not gay either." Kennen interrupted.

"Yeah.." Teemo agreed hurriedly, then suddenly he remembered something. "Wait.. weren't you and LuLu a thing?"

"Oh, well not really.. All she did was lick my hoodie once.. in public.. said something about 'tasting purple'" Kennen shrugged "You know how rumors are.." He paused "Wait, what are you doing here? I thought you were dating Tristana."

Teemo contemplated explaining his relationship for a moment "It's a long story..."

"That's okay I'm all ears"

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"And then she says 'Oh, It's mechanic stuff - you wouldn't understand'!" Teemo gritted his teeth. Kennen stroked the enraged yordle's head calming him.. at some point he had ended up scooting his chair closer to Teemo. Teemo continued "Next thing I know Ahri's giggling at something on her phone and staring at me... I spend most of the day with people looking and whispering at me until LuLu comes over with her dumb fairy and tells me 'Have you heard the rumors? Tristy and Rumble are a thing!'"

Teemo squinted his eyes, dangerously close to a meltdown. "Even the fairy recluse knew before I did! Did Tristana just forget about Snowdown or something?"

Teemo finally broke down sobbing "She picked that rat over me!" Kennen, in an attempt to calm down the other yordle, patted his back. "That's rough buddy..."

Both yordles leaned on each other, Kennen and Teemo both sat sipping their drinks, Teemo hiccuping occasionally.

Finally calming down Teemo turned to Kennen, "Thanks I needed that.. Is there anyone you want to talk about?" Kennen nodded, his ears lowering slightly.

Table 1/2 had transformed into a feelings jam.

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 _feelings jam! Who does Kennen have romantic problems with? Will these two awkward yordles end up in a relationship? Better follow/fave to find out!_


	7. Chapter 6) Poppy x Nobody?

Poppy nervously entered the restaurant, the small yordle being shoved forward by the crowd behind her. Her usually hard, determined expression was replaced by one of nervousness, and slight social terror. Everything felt different and terrifying, but there wasn't even an enemy she could face. She tugged on the straps of a dress she had borrowed from LuLu worryingly, it was of course purple. Although Poppy didn't really know much about fashion choices she was pretty sure that purple didn't really suit her. The make-over that the hyper yordle girl had gave her was probably the real thing to worry about though. LuLu assured Poppy she looked great... right before eating the purple tube of lipstick she had just used.

Those who knew her might be surprised to see her here, the Iron Ambassador was generally known to be strict and not very representative of "womanly charm". _But even ugly yordles want love..._ she thought sadly. Galio, a fellow Demacian and a close friend who knew her best, had shown her a flier for Blitzcrank's Dating Service.

Poppy's eyes widened slightly as she noticed Garen was in the restaurant as well. She really didn't want anyone to know she was here! She panicked, quickly stepping behind a potted plant. Then she laughed shakily realizing that if Garen, a Demacian general, was there it had to be ok for her, a Demacian ambassador, to be there. Still, she walked carefully to avoid his line of sight, if he hadn't seen her yet there was no point to him knowing she was there.

Looking at her ticket she read "YOU ARE TABLE NUMBER: 0", she frowned.. that hopefully wasn't foreshadowing her date.

Shrugging slightly she sat down in her seat.

* * *

Poppy was sure that an hour had passed by now.

Her date had yet to show up.. she had tried to ask Blitzcrank where her date was or what she should do but the robot was preoccupied with the table that Garen was sitting at.. with Darius for some reason.

She slumped over not even bothering to avoid smudging her makeup.

* * *

By now Poppy felt that a year had passed.

Still no sign of her date.

She played nervously with a bow on her dress, wishing she had a phone like the kitsune in the table near her.. at least then she could look like she was talking to someone. She noticed the vixen slip a glance at her, Poppy froze. She began to pick at the bow even more rapidly avoiding eye contact, she wished she could disappear. She snuck another glance at Ahri, _Oh god!_ Was she taking a picture of Poppy? She couldn't tell if the slight flash from the phone was the flash of a camera or just a glint as it caught the light.

Poppy huddled closer to the corner of her booth table, turning so that no one could see her face. This was a mistake.. she shouldn't have come... her date probably ran out of the restaurant after just seeing her face.

She felt as if all eyes were on her, staring at this pitiful little yordle girl who can't even do her makeup right.

 _Her makeup!_

She quickly checked her reflection in a mirror on the wall of her table... Her lipstick was smeared at one end and she had black marks under her eyes, the mascara was running. The way she looked couldn't even pass for clown makeup. The yordle let out a little sob and looking at the mirror one more time, completely broke down.

Tears and makeup mixed together, stinging her eyes, but not as badly as the imagined stares of everyone in the restaurant.

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 _Oh gosh! This is a lovely way to make a new chapter xD Sorry Poppy! Don't worry though, she will get to be happy in a bit._

 _Sorry about the hiatus! Jeez it's been at least two weeks since I last wrote o.o Anyway, review answers!_

 ** _Honorkill-_**

 _I want a hawwwwwwwwwwwt as fuck romance.I want a fucking triple M rated champter of hot,steamy and fucking romance. and i think ashe's date might be who knows._

 _.w.; that seems to be the direction most people want it to go x3 lets see what I can do, sadly this isn't going to turn into a slash fic or lemon/ lime.. It wouldn't really fit the fic feel I'm going for_

 _ **Erindor-**_

 _As someone that doesn't particularly enjoy yaoi pairings, Iwas defnitely impressed by how well this last chapter came out._

 _Also, may Cthulhu bless all of the sacred ones that revere the only true path for the Yordles: the hallowed pairing of Tristana and Rumble._

 _lol thank you! :3 Rumble x Tristana all the way!_

 ** _Erindor-_**

 _ps: I'd guess Ashe's blind date is Tryndere, for the extra awkwardness, but there it also is the very slight chance that it's actually Sejuani and start some sort of hate/love relationship. I don't really see any other option, because Voli is a bear, Trundle is a troll, Liss and Gragas defnitely aren't muscular, Udyr and Olaf have no reason to hide, Braum has his characteristical accent, Nunu is a kid on a Yeti and Anivia isn't even human._  
 _Migth have forgotten someone, but I don't really think so._  
 _This ended up as a very long ps '-'_

 _Very clever! ^w^ I'll tell you that all three people I'm thinking of using are in the ones you thought of.. I'm likely either going for an Ashe x surprise female or Ashe x surprise someone she knows already.. depending on reviews I guess I'll choose whichever_

 _ **SeaJade-**_

 _I was going to do this! Well, I am glad to see that this project is in much more capable hands, I wouldn't be able to do it justice._

 _O.O thanks! But don't not write your own if you wanted to do that xD there was already another Blitzcrank's Dating Service before I even started.. It's a fun concept that can be expanded on in a lot of ways :3_


	8. Chapter 7) Garen x Darius

Garen leaned back in his chair purposefully ignoring the other occupant at his table. Left with little to do his eyes wandered around the restaurant as he sipped from a glass of cheap wine. Eventually he found himself watching the table the kitsune Ahri was at. Although he knew little about her, he found the fox-woman rather cheap and shallow, at one point she had circled a rumor about him and Katarina.. still he couldn't deny that she was hot. His face heated up as he saw her spill some drink on her chest and unmistakably ask her date to help clean it off. Clink! There went the glass he was holding. Dying of embarrassment Garen quickly looked to the other side of the room, he was sure he heard Ahri snicker.

Maybe Lux is right... I do need to get out more he thought ashamed at how easily he lost his nerve at the sight of romance.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by an obnoxiously loud yawn from Darius, the Noxian bastard was flexing, disguising it as a stretch. He really did not feel like retaliating... but Garen couldn't let Darius get away with it

Garen casually signaled Blitcrank, who was now taking orders, showing off a bicep in the process. As he ordered his food (steak of course) Darius gulped down the rest of his drink and "accidentally" shattered the heavy glass mug of ale. "Oops," he half sneered at Garen "Hey robot, give me a better glass! My strong grip's too much for a half-assed one."

Garen barely stopped himself from scowling, Darius's passive-agressive show offs of strength were annoying him. Grabbing a spoon from his napkin he began to bend it between his first and middle finger, until the sturdy metal folded to a 90 degree angle. He smirked at the Noxian, that should make him stop.

A few more minutes passed uneventfully until the food arrived. At first Garen and Darius ate at a normal pace but over time it somehow evolved into a competition as they gulped down the large meal. Garen eventually felt disgusted and sick, stopping short in the ridiculous competition. Darius snickered as if tallying it as his win. Garen grinded his teeth, why did everything have to be a competition?

This evening had been absolutely horrible, Garen groaned feeling the results of over eating. Normally he would never stoop to such a childish level but after all he had been through he was already feeling out of character.

He reached his foot under the table grinding it down on Darius's foot. Darius blinked almost yelping in surprise but then yawned saying "I think a fly just landed on my toe."

That was it! Garen could not tolerate it anymore. Pushing back the table (which was nailed to the floor) with a painful, screeching sound he began to march outside, nothing could make him stay there any longer, not even the threat of losing his sword.

"Hey! Where the hell are you going Demacian?" Darius yelled.

"Anywhere but here."

"What's the matter, the itty bitty Demacian not man enough against the big bad Noxian?"

Garen paused, contemplating whether to answer, then answered "Mabye I'm sick of being expected to only engage in "manly" activities. Maybe I'm tired of the majority of my life being lifting weights and fighting against complete boneheads like you whether it's in a war or in a contrived competition to prove who is stronger. Maybe I hate being afraid of someone stumbling on me watching god forbid an episode of My Little Poro!

He took a break for air then finished, "That's right! I watch My Little Poro! Go ahead laugh, I guess you won your little competition after all.." Garen, finally cooling off, stomped out of the door while Darius gaped like a fish.

Blitzcrank started from serving the yordles table as if contemplating whether to chase Garen, but then stopped as if calculating something then went back to work.

* * *

 _Whew! I found this chapter particularly hard to write w although now that I've done It I'm pretty happy with it. Sorry for the screwed up update schedule.. I've been a little busy with balancing vacations, summer work, and an online course I'm taking.._

 _I have no idea if this is actually the way the "jock stereotype" acts, hopefully it's accurate.. I'll reply to reviews later ^ ^; tired rn_


	9. Chapter 8) Ashe x drum-roll please

From what Ashe could tell, most of the other dates were going badly. Although she really wasn't paying attention to the others' plight let alone concentrating on anything but her date. They had conversed a bit, rambling on about meaningless topics. Although the mysterious figure hadn't given much about his identity she was fairly sure he was from the Freiljord and was a sort of tough personality. Also she felt that there was something odd about him although she hadn't a clue why.. Woman's intuition?

A nagging voice in the back of her head still worried about what would happen if word got around the queen of Avarosa was cheating on her husband, even if technically speaking it wasn't really cheating if neither her nor Tryndamere were bonded by anything but politically.

Deep in thought she listened to her date go on about bola's or something. Nodding in acknowledgement she slowly drew a fork-full of fruit salad to her mouth. Fresh tropical fruit was almost nonexistent in the Freiljord, a rarity that had to be imported from Ionia. Suddenly a horrible screeching noise sounded through the restaurant (like someone pushing a nailed table away). Startled, Ashe jumped, the fruits sliding down her hand leaving a trail of strawberry dressing on her fingers. Noooo! Her precious fruits.

"Shit"Ashe cursed reaching for a napkin "That noise startled me.."

"Here, let me fix that" the mysterious figure reached for her hand bringing it to it's lips. Ashe's breath hitched as he gently brought her fingers to his lips and licked off the dressing. She was eternally grateful for her hood, she was absolutely sure her face was beet red. Ashe was pretty sure she was supposed to be furious right now, that someone was that forward with her, in a restaurant no less! But she was too busy melting in her chair. Quick! She needed to be doing something... she shoveled fruit salad in her mouth to avoid talking, she'd definitely embarrass herself.

Calming down a bit she tried to think of some small talk... "S-so you're from the Freiljord... do you like poro's?"

"Oh yeah I guess, they're a little overly cute for me... although if you over feed them they can get really big for some reason... heh, I bet your as cute as a poro under that hood of yours."

Ashe couldn't help but giggle even if it was a really lame pick up line. Looking around the restaurant she noticed everyone was preoccupied. Feeling a bit adventurous she slyly said, "Want to find out?" She reached for his sunglasses while simultaneously grabbing her hood. This would be the moment of truth, the make or break of a relationship.

"Lets do it with a kiss" the figure grinned pulling her closer. Ashe closed her eyes letting her hood fall back as she heard the figure's sunglasses fall to the ground. She felt delicate lips on hers.. slight nips then a deeper kiss, it felt amazing. Wait... something was wrong... she broke away opening her eyes... there was no stubble.. She looked at who her mystery date was.

 **Sejuani?!**

* * *

 _Bet you didn't see that coming! xD jk.. oops, my fanfic is reaching a gay singularity O.o_

 _Review time!_

 ** _Guest_**

 _Gravesxjinx?_

 _nah srry, don't ship it although I did consider putting Jinx in the fic_

 ** _CreatureMaster_**

 _I like what I'm seeing so far. Do you think it would be possible for Jinx to sign up or just simply crash the place at one point? Also, maybe throw Ekko in there? Considering he can turn back time as much as he wants, he could easily charm his way through a date by fixing any mistake he did/said._

 _I considered putting Jinx in but I worried it might change my original ending which I liked.. Ekko though xD that idea is amazing! Sadly I am lazy and don't want to write anymore ships in the fic ..; although I'm thinking about doing another Dating rotation with different ships, If I do Ekko and Jinx will definitely be included!_

 ** _CreatorofWords_**

 _A hot, steamy romance. And a good pairing for it._

 _hoping it's yuri *wink wink wink wink* but of course, you're the author :)_

 _Ask and you shall receive!_

 ** _GarenKat Fangirl_**

 _This is a great read so far! Lol poor Poppy! Hope she ends up feeling better soon._

 _As far as Ashe's partner, I think having Sejuani would be hilarious for them both xD Tryndamere was actually my first guess as I read, though, and that would also be funny. I saw a review suggesting Kat, which would be interesting; not sure how that would work out, but I can't deny it would be a scandal alright._

 _For Kennen's romance problems, I haven't the slightest idea lol. Maybe he likes. Akali? Idk._

 _I love how you included Evelynn/TF. I think their reactions are pretty funny. Ahri seemed pretty upset by TF lol. Now Sona will hear all about it._

 _Anyway, definitely an enjoyable read, and I'm looking forward to reading more ._

 _Thank you! :3 Expect a ranting Ahri through text messages in the near future, and don't worry Poppy will have a happy ending_

 ** _thewrongmoon_**

 _This fic is pure crack and I love it. Also, my first thoughts on Ashe's date were Trynd (since that's funny and there's always the crack reason of Queen Ashe skin and King Tryndamere skin), but I would also like a yuri pairing. Either way, you get to decide._

 _Complete shameless crack-shipping... ask and you shall receive ;)_

 ** _Naruto4Evar_**

 _This is the shit. I'm dying of laughter._

 _Glad to hear :3 StellaNutella is not responsible for any deaths or near death experiences caused by reading her fanfic's (hopefully) hilarious content_

 ** _Crozif_**

 _You so mean to Poppy... I bet Urgot finds her attractive... lol_

 _Can I ask for Valor x Beatrice? Pls? ;D_

 _Once again a request with so much possibility.. I've written a short story for now_

 _Valor: Scwack chirp chirp chirp!_

 _Beatrice: Scree! *swoons*_

 _Valor: Chirrup Squack!_

 _*sloppy bird make outs*_

 _..but in all seriousness I ship it_

 ** _Erindor_**

 _So, I hate to disagree with our deae Creator (love her stories XD), but I do think it should be either Trynda, just to bring the awkwardness of them both being cheating on themselves with themselves, or Sejuani, in case you feel like putting Ashe in a yuri pairing and/or bringing out something more serious with the rivalry of those two and a drop of angst. I don't think Katarina would fit very well, but, if written well enough, everything can be a good read. So, take your time, consider your options and go the way that you want to. No matter what you do, I'll still be reading this, as you have written already sone great parts, like Ahri trying to grab TF's attention and failing miserably, or, like I already said, that Teemo/Kennen chapter._

 _Ashe x Kata is really cute and I freaking love Snowdown Chaos.. but it wouldn't really work as well for my fic .. Thank you! :) and love/hate relationships in my opinion are the best_

 ** _CreatureMaster_**

 _My Little Poro . . . very clever. Very clever._

 _haha.. you get it! xD_

 ** _Assasins8_**

 _Lol, this is just gold! It's refreshing that everything's short and easy to read, and the comedy is beautiful! I love how much variety there is with each couple. It's interesting to see how you use the characters' actual relationships to your advantage here, you have no idea how many time I've been on the LoL wiki during the past hour XD eight chapters later and I'm still on the edge of my seat about Ashe's mystery date... Garen and Darius were a funny pair (who REALLY make me want to see their siblings complaining to each other about them despite the Noxus\Demecia rivalry), Kennen and Teemo look like bffs in the making, the Evelyn\TF drama was hilarious, and POPPY DONT CRY! YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE *sniff* I'm really psyched to see what comes next, so great job and update soon!_

 _thank you so much :D glad you like the variety, I can guarentee I've spent at least two hours digging through the LoL wiki.. I love the newsletter thing they used to have, I think it was called the Justice Journal?_

 ** _Guest_**

 _noooo, update sooner, you're not gonna leave poor Poppy like this, are you? ;A;_

 _I know I'm terrible with updates xD... but don't worry Poppy will be happy! I promise! Everyone will be, in one way or another_


	10. Chapter 9) Drunken Mistakes

Hello readers! No, I'm not dead! I kind of lost motivation and I'm sorry about that, I realized it wasn't fair to leave the story hanging x3... anyway we are more than halfway through this silly plot I've got planned, I hope you guys are enjoying it. Thanks to Thanksgiving break I should be able to churn out another chapter soon, I promise there won't be any more ridiculous hiatuses.

Forgive me ;-;.. gomen

-StellaNutella

* * *

Sona: So it's really that bad?

Ahri growled jerking her head up against the back of her seat in frustration, then immediately regretting after feeling the dull pain well up. She was antsy without a constant stream of attention, and angered that the little blue bondage demon, Evelyn, had somehow one-upped her. She tapped a reply to Sona, her claws viciously scraping on the poor phone screen. At least she had Sona to gripe to. Both Ionians they had become close friends a while ago, the mute was surprisingly chatty and hilarious.

Ahri: You have no idea.. enough about that loser though.. check out this

She giggled and sneakily snapped a picture of Garen and Darius. As she looked at the image.. not bad.. she noticed the clown-makeup yordle staring at her. Poppy definitely noticed her take the picture.. whatever, Ahri thought; Can't she get a break?

She tore at her raw steak which just arrived, waiting for Sona's reply when something.. it smelled amazing.. caught her nose. She peered down at the green lantern tossed carelessly aside Thresh's seat. The lid was slightly askew.

Ahri surveyed the room carefully, suddenly the fact no one was paying her attention seemed a lot more appealing. She carefully, carefully, snaked a single fluffy white tail under the other group's table. Getting a steady grip she snapped it back under her table, breathing a sigh of relief as she saw the warden didn't notice. Finally she let her attention fall to the lantern, she breathed in the beautiful scent of fermented souls, vintage. She had sworn herself off of completely eating souls awhile ago.. but the temptation! It was like a former alcoholic in an aged wine cellar. She hesitated, then greedily began stuffing herself. This was her reward, the redemption for the shitty night she was having. Drunk off the powerful essences, she was oblivious to her vibrating phone.

Sona: omfg wait how?! I thought they were enemies, and weren't they, or Garen at least, straight

Sona: ?

Sona: AHRI

Sona: Don't leave me hanging! What's going on? Now I wish I did go…

* * *

Twisted Fate was too occupied trying to drown himself in his glass of alcohol to notice the equally intoxicated vixen. He groaned remembering someone.. was it Soraka?.. recommending him to go the the League's alcohols anonymous. Maybe he did have a problem…

His addled mind rebelled, no this wasn't his fault… it was.. Evelyn's fault! His eyes widened in drunken epiphany. She was the one that started his addiction, she was the one that broke up with him. She had to be deliberately out to ruin his life! Twisted Fate wobbled, struggling to stand. He'll show her! In fact.. It's about time I gave her a piece of my mind he thought, a lopsided grin on his face. He stepped slowly to the other table, the inhabitants too occupied to notice.

"Well well well.. if it isn't Shadow Isles bitch… more like Shitty Isles bitch." He smirked, proud of his wordplay. Truly genius.. he frowned as Thresh stood up to face him instead of Evelyn.

"What did you just call me?" Thresh hissed, eyes slanted in a glowy scowl.

Twisted fate frown shaking his head slowly. "Wait no.." He was trying to talk to Evelyn. He tried to squeeze through the slight space between the table and the warden, pushing Thresh accidentally with one arm. Twisted Fate struggled to get through, he had to get to Evelyn and tell her the line again. Thresh lashed an arm out and clutched Fate's collar dragging the drunk to eye level. "I believe you haven't answered my question" he snarled lifting the meekly struggling Twisted Fate upwards.

As the two men scuffled Evelyn sat behind watching them. She chugged a glass of wine in an effort to swish away the disgusting taste of repeated snogging. She doubted Thresh owned a toothbrush. Now was the time to make her escape. As she quietly snuck away from the table she felt a twinge of regret as she saw Twisted Fate struggling, bewildered. He looked pathetic. She turned away, he **was** pathetic. She knew he had meant to chew her out, god knows why, probably turning the blame of whatever his newest problem was on her again.

Evelyn felt tired, she walked to the back finding the bathroom. She didn't want to go back to the table, but didn't have many other options.

* * *

...

Twisted Fate, master of wordplay!


End file.
